Yes it does seem a little slower, I think I added something like ~600 words. I guess it depends on what were you expecting. After the excitement it might be slow. But, like you said previously, it was a little unfair of me to dismiss Hakkai's efforts with a short paragraph. The quest to heal Goku was very important, almost as important as running from a certain explosion. So in that sense at least I think the story deserved this chapter.
I'm glad you like the ending! The "ain't" just flashed into existance and I just knew it is good. ^_____^
I don't think I added much information-wise. Yes, I clarified the sudden discovery of the facility if only a little, but I thought that was necessary. do an EoS?
Thank you! I was a little unsatisfied with the first version, I'm glad you poked me into doing this. I think it flows more naturally and balances the scales between "OMGZ, thei'z egx'splodin' us!!!!11!eleven!" and "... myocardical infractions, one point thirty nine, hand me the nysomoprinsckotrophinozol and a syringe #421". Perhaps it's that you read the first version as the final part and it had no other chance but to stick. Whereas for me it's always been a WIP.
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Re: i was trying to edit, deleted it, but i had this -
Date: 2007-10-24 06:36 am (UTC)I'm glad you like the ending! The "ain't" just flashed into existance and I just knew it is good. ^_____^
I don't think I added much information-wise. Yes, I clarified the sudden discovery of the facility if only a little, but I thought that was necessary. do an EoS?
Thank you! I was a little unsatisfied with the first version, I'm glad you poked me into doing this. I think it flows more naturally and balances the scales between "OMGZ, thei'z egx'splodin' us!!!!11!eleven!" and "... myocardical infractions, one point thirty nine, hand me the nysomoprinsckotrophinozol and a syringe #421". Perhaps it's that you read the first version as the final part and it had no other chance but to stick. Whereas for me it's always been a WIP.
Thanks again for reading. You helped! *huggles*